Mitt versus Mitt and GOP Clowns UPDATED AGAIN

I don't normally write about politics, but lately I have been following the circus that is the Republican party.

But before I do that, I want to say a bit about my political background. I am a rather liberal Democrat. I come from a family full of Democrats. The only Republicans in our family married in and often feel like outcasts among us. When I was in high school I was much more liberal to the point that when someone in a class called me a Communist I kicked their ass and told them if I ever heard such filth come out of their mouth again I would break their arm.

I find that people today think that when you say you're part of any liberal party, they are under the impression that you hate your country. Quite the opposite. I love my country so much that I keep a mini version of the US Constitution in my wallet. I consider going to Washington, D.C. a religious pilgrimage. I love my country and anyone who believes otherwise about me because I'm a liberal Democrat is a fucking moron.

Anyway, lately it has been hard to ignore the growing circus in the Republican primaries.  Adultery, sexual harassment, child labor, "person-hood," etc. it's all becoming a little ridiculous but admittedly hilarious to watch. You could make a fortune if this stuff were pay-per-view. And when they have debates..... ooooohhhh when they have debates I can hear the Benny Hill theme playing in the background. Grab some popcorn! Another Republican debate is on! WOO HOO!

The other night I was sitting down to watch the evening news and eat some soup. As I took a big gulp of soup this commercial sponsored by the DNC comes on:

Soup spitting commenced as I collapsed into fits of laughter. Honestly, does anyone really know what he ACTUALLY believes in?! A friend called him a "vote whore" as in he'll say anything to win votes! Typical politician but hey Mitt wtf? What do you REALLY believe in? Stop flip-flopping already!

Earlier this week, Herman Cain dropped out of the race amid accusations of adultery and earlier accusations of sexual harassment. Honestly, when he first came in to the race, I was interested in what he had to say and I agreed with some of his ideas, but like most Presidential candidates, he got crazier and crazier. His stance on abortion killed any slight chance of me voting for him. I can't stand politicians and people who only see Planned Parenthood as abortion clinics. Only 2% of what Planned Parenthood does has anything to do with abortion. They offer a laundry list of sexual health services and education that many communities could not function without.

Anyway, when Herman Cain dropped out, he made a hilarious quote and for those who were in on it, we jumped right on it:

That's right: he quoted the first Pokemon movie in his departing speech. When I realized what had happened I nearly died laughing.

But what made the article that published it even better was what I saw in the comments section:

In case you missed out on Newt Gingrich's part of this three-ringed circus, a couple of months ago the news came out that while voting to impeach President Clinton back in the late 1990s, Gingrich was having an adulterous affair himself. For some odd reason or another he claimed that he had "done it out of his love for his country." Wait... what? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Someone explain this act to me! Is this one of those  new modern arts clowns because if it is it's not funny. Seriously wtf.

And more recently, just in case you missed it, Newt called child labor laws stupid and said that children from poor families should replace janitors in their schools. *facepalm* You're kidding, right? Well no, apparently he was NOT kidding. He later defended his comments and stood by the idea. I have to admit that I did not find this comment funny. As a historian, I have studied the evolution and eventual adoption of child labor laws. Yes they were enacted to protect children and to keep them in school so that the population could grow and become successful. This basically helped many people rise above the chains of poverty. But sociologically we have child labor laws to protect adults from children too. As in, if there were children filling jobs that adults would normally fill, the unemployment rate would be much higher. So if you were to get rid of school janitors in this country to replace them with the children of the poor, how many unemployed adults would you create?

Also, children need time to BE CHILDREN. It's essential to a child's healthy physical and psychological development to BE A CHILD and to HAVE A CHILDHOOD.

And you know what, you can flood the comments section below with your outraged comments and accusations of me slandering the Republican party, but you know what: I don't give a shit. I'm exercising my First Amendment rights here.

UPDATE


LOOK I FOUND MORE GOP CLOWNS!!! CLICK ME FOR GOP CLOWN!


RE-UPDATED


Thank you Jon Stewart: OH THE HERMANITY!